可爱听话如我们的妞妞，也有捣蛋的时候。最近这两天格外出奇，可能是因为她会走路了，不愿意继续被关在自己的房间里，而如果在客厅和厨房，就有很多东西妈妈坚决不让她动。她以前几乎没有这样被妈妈拒绝过，所以比较沮丧。今天，又是这个原因，开始大哭，我牢记萧医生的教导，小孩子哭的时候，检查三点：是不是饿了，是不是要换尿布了，是不是病了。如果都没有，大可以放心的让她哭。今天，她爸爸说要给她一个time-out （A corrective measure or punishment for young children in which they are separated from others for a brief period，www.answers.com），就是把她关在某个地方待一会儿。其实，昨天我跟他告状的时候，他就提出这个建议了，但是我没有舍得。这次决定试一试。我说，妞妞，你继续哭，妈妈要把你放在小床上了，她消停了一会儿，我以为没事了，没想到她看我没动静，又开始哭。我把她放在小床上，出去，在客厅偷偷看着她。她爸爸让我关她两分钟，我只准备关她一分钟，按照萧医生说的，一岁一分钟嘛。3：00开始，3:01分，妞妞已经不哭了。我走进去，她看见我，立刻大哭。我把她抱出来，放在地上，给她擦擦眼泪，她不哭了，高高兴兴地去玩玩具。据说time-out结束之后不要跟她讲道理，就当什么都没有发生过一样就好了。没想到第一次效果还不错。

今天除了这个不是很愉快的经历，妞妞还是给了我们惊喜的。她现在能听懂很多话，也更加表现出自己的好恶。下午，time-out之后一段时间，我给她吃葡萄，因为她爸爸想看她，所以，我把她放在walker里，为了让她老老实实待在里边，给她切了一小碗葡萄。吃完之后，她举起空碗给我看，好像是告诉我还要。我又去切，她爸爸说给她切点草莓，我想也是，我只知道她两种都喜欢，不知道她更喜欢哪种，何不试试。把草莓和葡萄都放在小碗里给她，她拿了一小块葡萄放在嘴里，又拨开草莓，拿了另一块葡萄，明显是更喜欢葡萄。然后，她爸爸说，你让她给你吃。我于是说“妞妞，给妈妈一个吃”，她很高兴的给了我一块草莓，我吃完，又给我一块。就在我幸福的享受，并且说她爸爸肯定很羡慕的时候，她拿了一块葡萄，看了看，放在自己嘴里了。原来，那么爽快地给妈妈吃草莓，是因为她不是那么喜欢。不过，当我坚持说，"妞妞，妈妈要吃葡萄，"之后，她还是勉为其难给了我一块。

她现在已经认识我给她装食物的小白碗了。今天上午，不知道怎么看到了它，可是里面是空的，很不高兴，递给我，满怀期待地看着我，我只好给她装了一碗水果。对于妞妞来讲，那个小白碗就是一个聚宝盆，时不时的就盛满好吃的东西，所以，她对它充满了热爱。

我们经常表扬她是听话宝宝第一名，健康宝宝第一名，聪明宝宝第一名，说这些的时候，我会跟她来个high five，击一下掌，几次之后，每当她给我们惊喜，我说，听话宝宝第一名，或者其他第一名，她会立刻举起手，跟我来个high five。

妞妞会亲妈妈。刚开始，我把脸凑过去，她就明白，张着嘴亲一口，还要咂吧咂吧，好像很香的样子。现在，如果我说，妞妞，亲妈妈一下，她会主动凑上来亲我一口。每天晚上她睡觉前，我给她祷告，然后亲她一下，说妞妞晚安。前两天，我祷告完了，发现她张着嘴，正往我脸上凑，哈哈，把妈妈给幸福的...

妞妞现在也知道Peekaboo了，好像几个月前就知道了。今天她吃完草莓和葡萄，把碗举起来，遮住了脸，她爸爸说“Peekaboo”,她马上用手遮住了眼睛，只是，她的小手只能遮住一只眼睛，她就那样睁一只眼闭一只眼地跟我们玩Peekaboo.

 

你们存心不可贪爱钱财，要以自己所有的为足。因为主曾说“我总不撇下你，也不丢弃你。”所以我们可以放胆说“主是帮助我的，我必不惧怕；人能把我怎么样呢？” 希伯来书13：5-6

Keep your lives free from the love of money and be content with what you have, because God has said "Never will I leave you; never will I forsake you." So we say with confidence, "The Lord is my helper; I will not be afraid. What can man do to me?" Hebrews 13:5-6

真的很希望我有这样的信心，可以放胆说出这样的话。如果万能的神会帮助我，我怕什么呢？世界上有什么不是在神的权柄之下呢？

今天是潘允宁妞妞（Esther Yunning PAN）小朋友一岁生日，去年的4月22日凌晨0时09分，妞妞出生在费城宾夕法尼亚大学医院。这一年，妞妞勤勤恳恳地吃，睡，玩，长个子，长本事，现在，比出生的时候高了25厘米，重了13磅，学会了很多本领，是个漂亮的小姑娘了。据她爸爸的说法，是健康宝宝第一名，加上妈妈的评价，就是听话宝宝第一名，聪明宝宝第一名（请原谅我们的吹嘘和偏见，我相信每个宝宝都是他们家里的第一名！）

早在上周，飞飞妈妈就给妞妞寄来了礼物---一个学步车，现在已经成了她的最爱，经常推着它到处走，嘴里还要“呜呜”叫，或者，坐在上边，让妈妈推她走，也要“呜呜”叫，再或者，两脚撑地，自己就开动小车了。

上周五晚上，Jane已经给妞妞准备了生日晚餐和蛋糕，可惜，她没有提前告诉我，所以没有带相机，很遗憾。本来说今天去外边吃饭，但天气不是很好，而且，两个女孩子都有钢琴课，只好推后几天，我告诉Jane说妞妞不会生气的。这样，妞妞的生日庆祝将持续一周的时间。

昨天晚上，妞妞的爷爷奶奶打电话来，难得他们记得妞妞的阳历生日，因为他们都是过农历生日的。

今天早上，妞妞的姑姑也从天津打电话来。

Jane代表妞妞送来我一束玫瑰花，和一张贺卡。

白洁阿姨送给妞妞一张电子贺卡。

妞妞的远在夏威夷的干妈给她寄来礼物，不知道她多花了多少钱，正好今天寄到。

妞妞的外公外婆和舅舅早就在提醒我妞妞今天生日，好像我会不记得。

可惜，爸爸妈妈给妞妞买的礼物还没有寄到。唉...

祝妞妞生日快乐！！！

妞妞妈妈也代表妞妞谢谢大家，谢谢你们的爱，谢谢你们的礼物。

 

...

That's how serious legalism is. The implications are staggering, because legalism claims in essence that the death of Jesus on the cross was either unnecessary or insufficient. It says to God, in effect, "Your plan didn't work. The cross wasn't enough and I need to add my good works to it to be saved."

"Cross Centered Life" by C.J. Mahaney, P115

 

妞妞是个调皮的小姑娘。昨天我去daycare接她，Darlene警告我说妞妞已经能自己开门了，让我要多加小心，据说她昨天一天都在研究那扇门。

今天早上，我把她放在她的walker里，然后去洗漱，等我出来的时候，惊奇的发现她站在地上！不知道她是怎么爬出来的。现在，只有两种办法能够圈住她，一是放在high chair上，紧紧绑住安全带，再一个就是在她自己的卧室里，挡上栅栏。

我去送她的时候，说她从walker里爬出来了。Darlene说她还试图从小床里爬出来，双手抓住小床的横梁，双脚踩着旁边的网子往上爬，不过到现在还没有成功过。

还有一次，我把一个小的纸箱子放在妞妞房间的壁橱里，外边挡上一个长纸箱子，出去了一下，回来的时候，小姑娘正拿着小纸箱子在屋子里玩，那个长箱子还象刚才一样横在壁橱前，不知道她怎么把小箱子拿出来的。

看看我说的walker是什么吧。

 

我们既然有一位已经升入高天尊荣的大祭司，就是神的儿子耶稣，便当持定所承认的道。因我们的大祭司并非不能体恤我们的软弱，他也曾凡事受过试探，与我们一样；只是他没有犯罪。所以我们只管坦然无惧地来到施恩的宝座前，为要得怜悯，蒙恩惠，作随时的帮助。

希伯来书 4：14-16

Therefore, since we have a great high priest who has gone through the heavens, Jesus the Son of God, let us hold firmly to the faith we profess. For we do not have a high priest who is unable to sympathize with our weakness, but we have one who has been tempted in every way, just as we are---yet was without sin. Let us then approach the throne of grace with confidence, so that we may receive mercy and find grace to help us in our time of need.

Hebrews 4:14-16

道成肉身，就可以经历”凡事受过试探，与我们一样“，因为耶稣是百分之百的人，与我们一样，可是，他也是百分之百的神，所以”他没有犯罪“。我们没有理由说”我们的痛苦和挣扎，你不能体会，因为你是神“。他是神，可是他也经历了我们一样的痛苦和试探，他知道我们的感受，他怜悯我们。

妞妞走路的录像http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DOih07844Sg

她其实走的比这个要好，尤其是不穿鞋，在家里走的更稳，都可以停住，拐弯了。

还有http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nrXTPxZxtdg，妞妞最喜欢的歌，节奏比较明快，她一听到就会跟着跳，现在，每次我问她“妞妞，Yankee Doodle吧？”，她就立刻左右晃动，或者拍手，已经知道Yankee Doodle是什么了。

Got my H1B approval today;

Put the deposit and secured a spot at a very good daycare center for Esther, starting on Aug 25th;

Decided my salary with the dean for my new contract;

Bought the camera and camcorder that my brother in law asked for;

Bought a book for Esther as a birthday gift;

Booked our tickets to Philadelphia;

And, we are good to go!!!

What I need to do next are:

Make the appoitment for my visa (Lukily, Esther doesn't need that.)

Plan for Esther's first birthday (It should be a lot of fun!)

Esther is going to be 01 year old on April 22, 2008.

 

昨天晚上查经，我们小组的胖胖的Dave讲了一个故事，是他上学的时候，至少在40年前，在去学校的车上，他旁边的一个小孩告诉他的自己的经历。小孩的名字我忘了，暂且叫他Jay（Jay是我们小组的另外一个人的名字，借来用用）。有一天，Jay和他的爸爸一起去打猎（背景：这个地方的人很喜欢打猎，从很小就学着打枪。Stewart插话说，New Jersey的年轻人也很小就学着打枪。西费城的人们可能总以为New Jersy是个很好的地方，就像我一直的看法，其实它的北部很不安全，知道Stewart什么意思了吧？），看到了一只小动物（我当时还记得是个什么小动物的，现在忘了），他爸爸鼓励Jay，说，举起枪，瞄准，射击。Jay很严肃，但低着头，不动。他爸爸又说了一遍，他还是低着头，不动。他爸爸再重复一遍，他还是不动，他爸爸急了，只好自己举起枪，把那个小动物打死了。Jay立刻很高兴地跳起来说“I made it, I made it!!!(我做到了！)”，他真的很高兴，真的觉得是自己亲手打死了那个小动物。

Stewart的故事是关于他的女儿Katie。Katie大概两岁多的时候，有一个很大的安全帽，说是像橄榄球运动员戴的那种。每天Stewart下班回家，Katie都戴着她的帽子，站在车库前，举起手，说“Stop!停下”。然后，爬到车里，坐在爸爸的腿上，抓住方向盘，要开车，有的时候，Stewart会真的让她转动方向盘，但是，他会控制整个车，以防有危险。玩完了，Katie很激动，跑去告诉妈妈“I drove today. 我今天开车了。”她每天都重复这样的游戏，每天都“开车”。

用这两个故事来说明天父跟我们的关系，感觉还是很贴切的。

其实，如果我们像小孩子一样，有那样单纯的信心，知道父掌控一切，我们不会有危险，那么，还有什么好害怕的呢？

看看这两张照片，妞妞是不是跟这个小姑娘长得很像？

这是妞妞的小表姐，就是妞妞姑姑的女儿，在2004年的照片，当时两岁多。

 

估计这个小家伙比较性急，提前10几天就来了。

热烈欢迎，让我当干妈吧，看在我比她妈早发布这个消息的份上。据说是双眼皮，眼睛像爸爸，重7磅6盎司，还不知道身高，我要问他妈妈，可惜她急着要做重要的事情去了。

妞妞现在是大姐头了。以后有机会要多多让小何弟弟给妞妞干活。

期待照片和详细报道。

今天的。

Morning Edition, April 2, 2008 · The three Gong brothers grew up in an old neighborhood amid Beijing's alleyways during the 1950s and '60s. It was the era of the "iron rice bowl," when the government provided everything: housing, health care and education.

The regime began smashing that rice bowl in the 1990s, turning communism on its head and creating a new, competitive economy with winners and losers.

The two younger Gong brothers — Wencong and Wenju — adapted to the new economy in their own ways. But the third one, Wenbiao, didn't make it.

I met the Gongs back in 2002, when I was working as a reporter in Beijing. The government was knocking down their old neighborhood as part of a huge redevelopment project.

Life Lived Looking Backwards

In January, I returned to China to see Wenbiao's wife to find out how things unraveled.

Sitting in her cramped kitchen, Qian Lihua explained what happened after the family home was demolished. Wenbiao's brothers took their compensation from the government and bought homes on the outskirts of town.

But instead of looking forward — as his brothers did — Wenbiao and his wife went backwards.

They couldn't afford housing prices in Beijing, so they moved to Inner Mongolia, where they had spent the Cultural Revolution during the 1960s and '70s.

The Cultural Revolution was a catastrophe that cost at least 1 million lives. But it was also a time when people were equal and the couple missed those days.

They bought a big home and lived off the land, tending cabbage, potatoes and tomatoes. They opened a dumpling restaurant, but soon Wenbiao fell ill and began losing motor skills.

"He couldn't use chopsticks or a spoon," Qian recalls. "He was unable to write."

Worried about his health, the couple returned to Beijing.

Lack of Health Care Compounds Problems

Wenbiao was scraping by on a tiny pension of $28 a month. The state-owned factory where he had worked had gone bankrupt years before and he was left without health care.

In April 2003, he suffered a stroke and was admitted to a hospital. Under communism, his factory would have paid for everything. But in China's new economy, there was no government program to help someone like him.

"He stayed half a month; the problem was financial," Qian says. "Afterwards, he left the hospital and died in July."

Qian says without treatment, he just slipped away. She thinks if he had had insurance, he might have lived.

Qian has her own health problems these days. She worked at the same factory where her husband had, so she lost her health care, too. She broke her foot years ago, but could never afford to have it set.

She rolls back her sock to reveal a swollen ankle. The skin is purple, black and orange.

"In these last few years, while my husband was sick, it especially hurt," she says. "Still, I had to push him in a wheelchair to see doctors. After he died, I couldn't walk."

In New China, Family Ties Frayed

The Chinese have always relied on family for help. But the country's economic boom has broken up many ancestral homes and some people have drifted apart.

During my trip, I talked to Wenbiao's two brothers.

Wencong — the middle brother — has done the best since leaving the old family home. He has a nice apartment in the suburbs and a new BMW.

He says the brothers got on well as kids.

"When we were young, everything was quite good," he recalls. "We took care of each other. The older took care of the younger."

But later there were strains.

Wencong succeeded in China's emerging market economy, working as a food wholesaler. He bought the latest and best home appliances. Wenbiao, the eldest brother, became jealous and refused to let his son watch Wencong's new TV.

When Wenbiao became ill, Wencong did not lend him money, but their younger brother, Wenju, did.

"I'd just built a house," Wenju recalls. "I didn't have much money. I gave him about $700."

Wenbiao's widow, Qian, still owes Wenju $500.

"Sometimes he says, 'You don't have to pay it back,'" she recalls. "I feel really embarrassed. I have nothing to say when I see him."

Qian lived for more than three decades under the same roof with her brothers-in-law. After her husband's death, she celebrated just one Chinese New Year with them.

"The first year, his little brother called and invited us to come," she says. "But after that, he never called again."

Nostalgia for the Old, Communal Way of Life

One day, I met Qian in the old neighborhood. The house she shared with the three Gong brothers was leveled more than five years ago. Today, the area is a high-rise apartment complex.

She says the transformation is so dramatic, the only thing she recognizes is an old tree.

"When I came in, if it weren't for the tree, I wouldn't know I had ever lived here," she says.

Qian says the new apartments are an improvement over the old family home. For instance, there are flush toilets. But Qian misses the days when several generations lived together.

"The living conditions weren't very good," she says. "But affection between family members was especially warm."

I ask Qian who is responsible for her husband's death. I wonder if she'll blame the Chinese government or her brothers-in-law, but she doesn't.

Last year, the government began providing some health insurance to older, unemployed people — the people left behind in China's sprint towards a capitalist-style economy.

Qian is grateful for this and says it shows officials do care.

She just wishes her husband had lived long enough to benefit from it.

我很喜欢NPR，喜欢他们讲的故事，尽管潘强说这个电台过于liberal，我还是喜欢听。今天开车上班的路上，听到他们有一个关于中国一家三兄弟的故事，讲这三兄弟在中国的市场化过程众不同的命运，很感兴趣。可惜，我上班的路程太短，根本还没有听到这个故事就到学校了。上完9点钟的课，我到NPR的网上听完了这个包含两个部分的故事。刚好上周我讲了一堂关于资本主义和社会主义的比较的课，对这个问题比较有感触。贴在这里。

Morning Edition, April 1, 2008 · Three decades ago, most people in China were poor, but their living standards were largely equal. Since then, market reforms have turned China into a nation of winners and losers, with an income gap that is now nearly as wide as America's.

It's a gap that plays out in individual families across the country, such as the Gong brothers of Beijing.

I first met the Gongs six years ago, when I was working as a reporter in China. As part of a huge redevelopment project, the government was preparing to knock down their family home in the city's old alleys.

The three brothers had spent decades under the same roof and had fairly similar lifestyles. But after their home was demolished, they split up and landed on different rungs of China's economic ladder.

Earlier this year, I returned to Beijing to see what had become of them and their relationships.

'I Drive a BMW'

Wencong — the middle brother and the most successful one — now lives in a handsome, two-bedroom apartment in the suburbs. It looks nothing like the cramped house he shared with his brothers.

It's filled with gleaming Ming and Qing Dynasty-style furniture and a giant-screen TV.

Wencong, 57, had just returned from his first trip abroad, to South Korea. And he had bought a new car — a BMW worth $47,000 (U.S.).

It's no surprise Wencong has done well. He was the most outgoing of the three brothers. And he adapted faster to the shift from a Communist system to one where people profit from their work.

Some people are nostalgic for the egalitarian ways of Beijing's old alleys, but Wencong mostly complains about how inconvenient they were. Back then, he had to walk down the street to use a public bathroom.

Before work, "there was always a line," he recalls.

Now, he has a private bathroom, with heat.

Driven by Hardship

Wencong says he lives better because he was driven to. During the Cultural Revolution in the 1960s, the government forced him and millions of others to work in the countryside. Describing a decade of hard labor, his eyes glisten with anger.

"When I was sent down to the countryside, I did all sorts of hard work," he says, spitting out the words. "The dirtiest work, the most tiring work: scooping up dung."

He returned to Beijing in the 1970s, eager to improve his lot.

As China began to move toward a market economy, Wencong found a niche: selling vegetables wholesale to private vendors. The new system rewarded initiative. He earned bonuses and put in 14-hour days.

"Anything is better than plowing a field," he says. "So any job I could get, I worked hard."

A long time ago, when I first met Wencong, he told me another way wholesalers made money: Corrupt ones could falsify invoices and pocket the proceeds.

Now retired, Wencong lives on a government pension of just $180 a month. When I ask how he could afford such a nice car, he becomes defensive and angry.

"I drive a BMW. Is there a problem?" he asks.

Many Chinese suspect the country's nouveau riche of corruption. I tell him I'm implying nothing and he insists he has done nothing wrong.

No Money, No 'Brains' to Play the Market

Before the family home was demolished six years ago, Wencong's younger brother, Wenju, moved out as well. Today, he is retired, living in a tiny house on the edge of Beijing.

His lifestyle is very different from his wealthier brother's. Instead of a BMW, Wenju gets around by bike. He heats his home with a coal stove. A blanket hangs in front of the door to keep the cold out.

Wenju used to work in a state-owned wool factory. But when China's economy turned fiercely competitive in the 1990s, the factory went bankrupt.

One reason his wealthier brother has done better is because he has more of a head for capitalism, says Wenju, the youngest of the three Gong brothers. He thinks his brother made much of his money playing China's rollicking stock market, which has attracted a huge number of small investors.

Wenju, though, doesn't own any stocks.

"I don't have the brains to play the stock market," he says. "And I don't have the money."

After Wenju's factory collapsed, he took up cab driving, but his income kept falling.

"In 2002, you could make a little money," he says. "Gas was cheaper, more people took taxis."

But now, he says, more people have bought their own cars — such as Wenju's brother and his BMW.

In fact, China's rapid growth has actually hurt cabbies by putting more private cars on the road and pushing up gas prices.

Estrangement Between Brothers

When they lived together, Wenju and Wencong saw each other every day. Now, it's just a few times a year. Plus, they don't seem as close.

Chinese New Year is the most important holiday on the calendar — akin to Thanksgiving, when families usually get together.

But Wenju says he will celebrate at home — not with his brother and his big screen TV and new luxury sedan.

"It's not very convenient," Wenju says. "This year, it's impossible. I don't have a car."

你们作妻子的，当顺服自己的丈夫，这在主里面是相宜的。

你们作丈夫的，要爱你们的妻子，不可苦待她们。

你们作儿女的，要凡事听从父母，因为这是主所喜悦的。

你们作父亲的，不要惹儿女的期，恐怕他们失了志气。

歌罗西书 3：18-21

我自己输入的这一段，没有直接从网上复制，粘贴，写一遍，可能印象就深一点。不知道谁的书法比较好，可以让他写下来，挂在墙上，时时看着，提醒自己。

我是妻子，是女儿，是母亲，主让我按照上面所写的那样作。

好难啊。不过，如果有足够的信心，其实也很容易，不就是顺服，听话吗？只是，心里不要有担忧，不要有埋怨，要相信，你按照主所要求的去作，主会保守结果，会对你负责任。

姐妹们，已经当了妈妈的姐妹们，和即将当妈妈的某姐妹，还有不久的将来总要当妈妈的众姐妹，共勉吧。